واقعا ارزش دیدن و خوندن داره. عالیه.



On January 28, 1951, my dad was performing with a trio at a dinner

club in Akron, OH. That night, while surveying the dance floor from

his spot on the bandstand my dad saw my mom for the first time.

Within 5 minutes time he set down his accordion and asked her to

dance. That evening when my dad arrived at home he sang to his

four younger sisters, "I found her." Two weeks later they were

engaged; six months later they were married. Sixty-two years later,

and after raising 11 kids, my parents, both cancer survivors, still flirt like a young couple. This is why I believe in love at first sight. 

On August 29, 2005, I was applying for a job as a bartender when I

met Jennifer. Just like my dad knew over 50 years earlier when he

first saw my mom, I knew I found her. Jen, on the other hand, didn't

really feel the earth move the same way I did...In all honesty Jen

didn't feel the earth move at all

About one month later Jen took a job in Manhattan and she left

Cleveland. After Jen moved I couldn't stop thinking about her. Not

only was Jennifer the most beautiful woman I had ever met, but she

was full of life and had a way of making you feel like you were the

only person who mattered. The following winter, while visiting Jen in

New York, I was determined to share my feelings. Working up all of

my courage, I turned into a 3rd grader and told Jen I had a crush on

her. As I questioned whether or not I had just said this Jen's eyes lit

up and, in the sweetest, most beautiful voice, which I'll always

remember, she said, "I feel the same way


We started dating long distance and would talk on the phone for

hours - it was carefree and exciting. We never ran out of things to

talk about. When we were together it didn't matter what we were

doing, it was always fun. I was so crazy about Jen

After 6 months the distance became too much so I moved to New

York. On the night I arrived in town Jen and I celebrated by having

dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants, Frank. After dinner I

got down on one knee and proposed to Jennifer. Ever the poet, Jen

yelled, "Shut up!!" So, there I was on one knee, after selling almost

everything I owned, except for a few cameras, some clothes, and of

course, my cats, and I was thinking, "Ok, shut up can mean a lot of

things?" Then Jen grabbed the ring and I could breathe again

The following fall Jen and I were married in Central Park. When I

saw Jen walking down the path I couldn't hold back my tears. I had

never been so happy in my life and I couldn't believe that this

beautiful, kind, and strong woman loved me the same way that I

loved her. That night we shared our first dance together as husband

and wife, serenaded by my dad on his accordion to "I'm in The Mood

for Love

I married the girl of my dreams. Life was perfect

I'll never forget the sound of Jennifer's voice coming through the

phone, just 5 months later, as she told me she had breast cancer. I

was numb immediately. I'm still numb

Suddenly and without warning we were thrown head first into the

world of cancer. We were adapting to changes, often daily, that

offered no road map, played by no rules, and had no sympathy

As our life became more complicated our focus became simple -

Survive. Everything that wasn't necessary had to go

Just after our one year anniversary our oncologist told us Jennifer

was cancer free and we attempted to put our life back together. This

was a challenge. We felt so different from most everyone else in our

life and everything we thought we knew or believed in had been

turned upside down

But we had each other and with every challenge our love grew

stronger. The little things that used to upset us no longer carried any

weight. Making each other smile, picking each other up when we

fell, letting the people in our life know how much we loved

them...these things mattered

In April of 2010 our biggest fear became our reality. A scan revealed

that Jen's cancer had metastasized to her liver and bone. Jen

started receiving treatment immediately. After a few months we

noticed that many people didn't understand how serious Jen's illness

had become and we felt our support group fading away. Our life was

a maze filled with Dr. appointments, medical

procedures, medications, and side-effects. The thought that I might

be a widower before I was forty felt like someone was kicking me in

my gut. Over and over and over. We didn't expect anyone to have

the answers; we just needed our family and friends to be there.

Something as simple as sending a text message saying "I love you,"

or dropping off dinner after we had spent all day in the hospital,

these things were incredibly helpful

Our words were failing as we struggled to make known that we

needed help so I turned to the only other form of communication I

know - my camera. I began to photograph our day to day life. Our

hope was that if our family and friends saw what we were facing

every day then maybe they would have a better understanding of

the challenges in our life. There were no thoughts of making a book

or having exhibitions, these photographs were born and made out of


A close friend suggested that I post our story on the Internet and

with Jen's permission I shared some of our photographs. The

response was incredible. We began to receive emails from all over

the world. Some of these emails came from women who had breast

cancer. They were inspired by Jennifer's grace and courage. One

woman shared that, because of Jen, she confronted her fears and

scheduled a mammogram. That's when we knew our story could

help others

The most important thing that happened was that our family and

friends rallied together to be by our side

On December 22nd, 2011, at 8:30PM, just 16 days after her 40th

birthday and less than five years after our wedding, my sweet

Jennifer passed

Our star didn't shine long, but man did it shine bright. 
By sharing our story, our love story, something beautiful has begun

to grow out of something so horrible and unfair. If we don't share our

experiences how can we learn, grow and survive

Before going to sleep Jen and I used to ask each other what the

best and worst part of the day was. Usually the best part was

something like, "When you walked by me and ran your fingers

through my hair," or, "When we were at the hospital and you held my

hand." The day after we found out Jen's liver was failing we came

home with Hospice Care and spent the evening with family and

friends. That night, as we lay next to each other for possibly the last

time, I asked Jen what she loved the most about that day. Jen

thought for a minute then turned and, looking deeper into my eyes than ever before, Jen said, "I Loved it all."

“Love every morsel of the people in your life.” – Jennifer Merendino






[ 93/11/03 ] [ 12:26 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

در زندگی روز هایی می شود
که دوست داری بزنی به بیابان
بیابان پیدا نمی کنی می زنی به خیابان
با دنیا که هیچ
با خودت هم قهر می کنی
منتظری ...
منتظر ِ " اوی ِ " زند ِگیت
منتظری ببینی حواسش
اصلا به قهر کردنت هست !؟
روز هایی می شود در زندِگیت
دوست داری بهانه گیــــــر شوی
تو لوس شوی و " اوی ِ" زند گیت بگوید :
اجازه هست ؟
اجازه هست روی ِ ماه ِ شما را ببوسم ؟
اجازه هست من به دور ِ شما بگردم
اجازه هست دردهایت را مرهمی باشم 
روزی هم می شود
طـــرز نگاهـــــت ،لحنِ حرفهایــــت 
نـوع رفتــــــــارت 
ســـــــــرد می شــــــود
نه اینکه واقعا اینطور باشد ... نه !
همه ی همه اش بهانه ســـت
می خواهی چــــــــیز هایی بفهمی ...
اوی ِ زندگی ات حواسش به این همه سردی هست !؟؟
و امان از آن زمانی که
نفهمند ... به یکباره
به هم می ریــــزی ، از هم می پـــاشی
ســـــرد می شوی ...
بیــــــــــا جانـم
بیـا ...
حواسمان؛ چشمانمان؛ دلمان
اصلا خودِ خودِ خودمان
به " گُل " زندگیمان باشد ... !
عادل دانتیســـم

[ 93/09/26 ] [ 18:45 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

گفت مى آيم... سحر شد و نيامد!


نيامد و نخواهد آمد، زيرا او هيچ پيمانى نبست كه نشكست...


او هيچگاه نسوخته تا معناى سوختن را بداند



او هيچ وقت درد نكشيده تا بداند درد چيست


او هرگز در انتظار نمانده تا از تلخى انتظار باخبر باشد.


-احمد شاملو

[ 93/09/21 ] [ 22:12 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

موقعی مرا ببوس . . .


که دوستم داشته باشی ، و چیزی جز عشق من



. . . مشغولت نکرده باشد . . . !

[ 93/08/24 ] [ 21:2 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

خدا " تو " را که می آفرید




پرت آرزو های من بود !


شدی همان آرزوی من ...!

[ 93/08/14 ] [ 18:10 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

چرا من نمیتونم از کسی که ارزشی براش ندارم دل بکنم؟

چرا نمیشه که ازش بدم بیاد؟

چرا هر چقدر بی توجهی میکنه برام مهم نیست و علاقم بهش کم نمیشه؟

چرا نمیتونم کاری کنم که دوسم داشته باشه؟

چرا اینهمه سنگه؟


[ 93/08/04 ] [ 19:34 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

دوست داشتن یکطرفه همش دردِ و عذاب



[ 93/07/23 ] [ 22:16 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

بعضی از آدمها مثل یه آپارتمانن مُبله، شیک، راحت اما دو روز كه توش می شینی دلت تا سرحد مرگ میگیره!

بعضی ها مثل یه قلعه؛ خودت رو می كُشی تا بری توش بعد می بینی اون توو هیچی نیست جُز چندتا سنگ كهنه و رنگ و رو رفته!


بعضی ها مثل دیوارِ قدیمیِ یه باغ.. میری توو و مُدام قدم میزنی، نگاه می كنی، عطرها رو بو می كشی، رنگ ها رو تماشا می كنی، میری و میری... آخری در كار نیست. به دیوار که رسیدی، بن بستی نیست. میتونی دور باغ بگردی و...

چه آرامشی داره همنفس بودن باکسی که عمق سینه ش، سرشار از عطر گلهای سُرخ و بهار نارنج...

[ 93/07/17 ] [ 22:11 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

آدمها مي آيند
خودشان را نشان ميدهند
اصرار ميکنند 

براي اثبات بودنشان و ماندنشان
اصرار ميکنند که تو نيز باشي همراهشان 
همان آدمها 
وقتي که پذيرفتي بودنشان را
وقتي که باورشان کردي 
به سادگي
و تو ميماني با باوري که...

ايلهان برک

[ 93/06/20 ] [ 22:39 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]

گاهی خداوند انسانی را به "انسانی" هدیه می کند...مراقب هدیه های خود باشید...!

روزگارتان پر از هدیه های قشنگ

[ 93/06/18 ] [ 18:27 ] [ نیلوفر ]

[ ]